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November 2005
It is the morning after and I am kind of in a fog. Did I really run 26.2 miles yesterday? What a stupid question. I only have to stand up and feel the pain to know the truth. I did run it. I did.
This was my 3rd marathon. My first was the Marine Corp Marathon 5 years ago. My second, Pittsburgh in 2002. My previous marathons, as weird as it may sound, were fun. Lots of fun people around, great spectators, and Pittsburgh had a band every other mile; it truly rocked.
Yesterday was picture perfect weather. I had my Mom, my 3 children, and Wes there with me at the starting line. We got to see Navy Seal paratroopers fly down from the sky during the playing of the Star Spangled banner. They floated to the ground with red, white and blue smoke coming from their boots. My children loved it! The anticipation and excitement in the air was palpable.
As I said my goodbyes to them, my thoughts retraced everything that got me to this point. The past 3 years (since my last marathon) have been short of a horrible nightmare, but at this moment I feel the winds of change all around me. I am truly blessed, and I know this. I have 3 beautiful, healthy children who have provided me the inspiration and perseverence to get through the past few years. I have my super, supportive husband who has stood by me throughout the good, the bad, and the training. I mean, this is the guy, who got out of bed the day we returned from our honeymoon (jetlagged and all) and rode his bike with me while I ran 15 miles in 85 degree August heat! And, I have my Mom who flew in for the weekend just to see me run.
So I hug and kiss each of them, tears streaming down my face, butterflies in my stomach. Nick, my youngest asked why I was sad. I told him that I wasn't sad. I was crying happy tears. I really don't think he understood, but he hugged me as tight as he could and smiled. As they walked away I overheard someone yell "Michelle!". I turned around and saw 2 of my training buddies, Morgan and Kathy. How serendipitous was that? Out of over 30,000 runners, what are the odds I would suddenly find them? Especially at that moment. God is good. He definitely had my back this day. I knew it from the start.
We take off and I feel great. The first few miles were up hill (which I really don't mind). Kathy and I lose Morgan. She had stopped, then caught us, and then continued to pass us like we were standing still. Morgan, you are a running machine!!! We saw Anthony and Jen around mile 2 or 3. Kathy and I enjoyed running through Georgetown although it wasn't nearly as spirited as I remembered 5 years ago. We continue on a bit and then I felt it. This grueling pain in my hamstrings that radiated all the way up my ass. I have been fortunate to rarely run with pain. This was not of those days. I quietly left Kathy continue on ahead of me. I really would have liked to stay with her, but I was afraid of really injuring myself. So I slowed down, and continued on running/walking at a tolerable pace.
Running to me has always been my therapy. It helps to clear my head and keep me sane. There are few days I can remember in the past 25 years (wow, that's a staggering number) that I have been running that I haven't enjoyed my time on the road. Yesterday from mile 5 until mile 26.2, I did not enjoy myself. I actually had thoughts of going to a medic and hitching a ride to the finish. I even considered cheating on one of the out and back areas thinking no one would notice if I happened to just cross over between the cones and start going the other way. Would they? I am not proud of these thoughts. I am proud that I didn't actually do it.
Luckily, I hung in there because if I didn't I would have missed the following:
* being frightened by the sound of a police motorcade coming from behind only to be passed by the wheelchair guys, including marines with no legs (I still get chills thinking about them)
* seeing a shirt in front of me that said "Running in memory of" with a picture underneath of a marine that died 2 weeks ago
* seeing the faces of my children at mile 12 and kissing each of them while my daughter yelled at me to get back on the road
* seeing my family again at mile 22 across the street; right after I had just considered cheating and turning around (I would have missed them if I had)
* seeing my family at mile 23 on the same side of the street. I stopped and stood there, frozen. I swear if anyone would have said "Mommy, you can stop now" I would have stopped right there.
* having a man I did not know pull me away from them on mile 23 and say "come on, you will see them at the finish" (another gift from God)
* finishing out the "flat" last mile (wasn't the new finish supposed to be flat??????????) feeling completely spent, not even conscious of my feet moving under me, noticing a woman right next to me in a wheelchair trying to get up the hill only barely able to turn the wheels. Suddenly, out of no where, 2 men grabbed the wheelchair and pushed her to the top of the hill.
I crossed the line at 4:21, barely running. I am not proud of my time, I know I could have done much better, but I am proud that I finished and that my children for the first time got to see Mommy run. After I got my medal from one hot marine and then had my chip taken off my shoe and retied by another hot marine, I pushed through the concession line and then collapsed on the ground. Literally. I looked next to me and there was a man/angel with a cell phone. I asked if I could use it and he said of course, but that there was barely any battery left. I called Wes and told him my location and as I handed the phone back I think I heard the battery die. I am not quite certain because at that same moment I was tackled on the ground by my son Jack and then Mariel and Nick. They attacked me on the ground with hugs and kisses. A moment I will treasure for the rest of my life.
I'm not sure if I will ever run another marathon again. I do know that I won't stop running (this may be a disappointment to some of my clients:-) Running is a part of who I am. I believe in staying true to yourself, to your authentic soul. To believe in yourself. To stay true to that calling in your soul.
Shortly after all of the craziness in my life started (just 3 years ago) my Mom sent me a card that I hung above my desk and read everyday. It pretty much sums up the myriad of events of October 31, 2005, and more.
It reads:
I believe in mind over matter.
I believe in miracles and blessings; both great and small.
I believe that hurdles in life are meant to be jumped over, not as something to stop us.
I believe in the human spirit to prevail.
I believe in possibilities.
I believe, in you.
To everyone who has believed in me and helped me turn this corner of my life, I thank you. I believe in you, too.
Michelle:-)
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